The Mighty Booshventure
by nopunintended
Summary: When a valiant knight randomly turns up at the zooniverse, Vince and Howard are again thrown into a crazy adventure! Please read and review. I have posted more chapeters.
1. Chapter 1

The Mighty Boosh-venture!

Chapter 1 - A stranger in the zoo

"Welcome to the Zooniverse where animals urinate on people who stare at them for too long and stuff…Today at 3.00pm Joey Moose will be making animal noises in the Chameleon Boudoir and later at 5.00pm as a special treat, the famous Goudie Trust will be reciting his poem, 'Where would we be without quantum physics?' Over and out."

Howard Moon and Vince Noir were seated on a bench by the Osalot pit, shaded from the blazing, mid-day sun by a newly planted Jabuba tree.

Howard is a tall man with a tangle of brown hair and a sort of coffee stain on his filtrim which he claims is a moustache. Some say he looks like two rulers and a beanbag.

The slightly younger, Vince, is a mod who likes Mick Jagger and all things shiny. I couldn't describe his appearance because every time I look at him all I see is his shiny, silky soft, feather-cut hair which perfectly compliments his face shape and encompasses his head grandly like an uber-trendy hat…

Anyway! I digress!

They were arguing about Jazz when a guy dressed head to toe in glimmering armour approached them, "I'm looking for castle Obble Urlie. Have you seen it with your eye? Do you know its whereabouts?"

Howard frowned, "There's no castles round here, Sir shine-a-lot, this is a zoo…"

"Yeah, the zooniverse," Vince chimed.

"…so if you'd like to make your way to the exit. You're scaring the other visitors."

The knight might have looked confused, but you couldn't see because he was wearing a helmet, "What is zoo?"

"It's a place where people come to see animals from all around the world. But could you please leave."

The knight stared at him.

"Now."

The knight turned to Vince, "Can you help me find the castle fair maiden?"

Smiling, the knight reached out to Vince who consequently slapped his hand away, "Oi! Don't touch the hair, pie boy! Keep one metre away at all times."

A small, chubby man approached the odd looking group, "Moon! Vincy! What are you guys doing - oh my God! Invasion of the metal people! Run! Head for the hills…"

"Guess he's never seen a knight before," Vince chuckled.

"You wait here little man," said Howard, "I'm gonna go calm fossil down. Weave my psychology magic…"

"What psychology magic?"

"What by doing a dance in little blue pants?"

"Shu' up," Howard straightened out his shirt, stood up and ran off in persuit of Bob Fossil.

The knight shook his head, "Peasants. What are you going to do?"

Vince looked uncertain, "Feed them bird seeds?"

"It was a rhetorical question, oh cheesy one! You do not answer. Now let us go in search of Obble Urlie. Pack your equipment. Seize a fish. Now we are off."

"What about Howard? I can't go without him. We're like Flanigan and Tucker."

"Leave him now. My squire Wishton will collect him later."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: On reaching the castle

The sun was glowing pink on the horizon as two large sillouettes trotted up the wooden doors of castle Obble Urlie. The first hopped down off the donkey which he was riding and knocked thrice upon the door. "Dismount your stallion," he ordered Vince who obeyed.

A little piece of wood was slid back to reveal a gap in the door. A pointy face, much like that of a hedgehog peered through, "What brings ye hither?"

"We need to speak to the king. Is the king here? Have you seen him with your eye?"

"You seek council with the great one?"

"Erm, yes, that is so," the knight was becoming agitated.

"The king will not converse with none until his lady wife is returned to him from the tower of Aruk Moon forest," and with that, the pointy slid the wood back into place.

The knight turned to Vince, "Come now. Place yourself back onto your Stallion. We must search with our searching powers for the king's wife."

Vince sighed for he was tired, "Look syntax, I've gotta get back to the zoo. Fossil's gonna be going loony."

But the knight was not listening to him. He was waving at someone with a large sack, who was trudgeing up the path towards them. "Wishton! Wishton! How is your toe? Where is your yeast?"

The man had reached them, "I am fine, sir," he lumped the sack onto the floor. The sack wriggled and then something came out of it. It was Howard, "Ge' off me! I'm Howard Moon, jazz maveric, poet and writer of many novels. You can't put me in a sack! I'll eat the sack and wash it down with some orange squash! Watchena! I know Karan doo," he looked around, "Vince? What are you doin…"

"Silence. We must find the king's wife."

"Howard! Thank God. This guy's nuts," Vince walked over to Howard, "Come'n. Let's get out of here. My hairs gonna need some serious conditionin' after this."

The knight laughed and pointed out that they didn't know the way back. He then, somehow managed to pursuade them to assist him on his journey.

So they made their way to the Aruk Moon forest like four icy pinacles on steeds of honour. They only rested once and that was for water. They stopped at a stone well with a little wooden bucket. The rim of the bucket was ordained with miniture silver angels. "Ahh. The pixies of goatey." Howard nodded with a fake look of knowledge.

"Aren't they angels?"

"No, Vince. Angels have halos. They don't have halos ergo they are pixies."

Vince pointed at their dresses, "That robe is clearly 19th century angel style. _No way _is that pixie. Their folk-meets-ethnic look would be easily distinguishable."

"Calm down little man."

Vince twiddled with a little chain which he add attached to his zoo uniform and looked up sweetly like a baby turtle, "I'm just getting' funny cause I'm soooo hungry. Have you got any food Howard?"

"I did make a lettuce sandwich just before Wish wash here stuffed me in a bag."

Vince's face lit up, "well have you got it with you?"

"Are you high? I didn't think to myself, 'hey, some man in leather slippers is putting a bag over me…quick, I better grab that sandwich' did I?"

"Yeah well I don't like lettuce anyway…have you got any sweets? You know, some Saturn zingers, Pluto gummies, Mercury crunchies…" Vince broke off and entered a reverie which was cut short by Howard.

"Woah there, plastic fence! Don't be drawn in by the sugary sensation. Lettuce sandwiches are healthy. Is that a word you're familiar with? Healthy? Well, lettuce has, er, protein in it and it scrubs you out like an old bread bin."

"That's not good."

"I think you'll find it is…"

" No, _that's_ not good," Vince was pointing towards a large mass of tangled, blackened trees whos leafless branches twisted grossly like crooked fingers. The forest spread for miles and the dark path which the knight and Wishton were heading for seemed the only entrance into the thick wooden mesh.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The tale of a leafy brethren.

"No, no. I'm too young to die; I've got so much to give. I haven't finished my jazz album yet," Howard cried.

"What album?"

"Slap bass Odysey."

"Don't worry Howard, it's only a forest. We've faced worse," Vince smiled and patted Howard's shoulder like a maternal chimp.

"This is the Forest of Aruk Moon," said the knight, "We travel to the West. Our feet should march for three and thirty minutes, then we will find the tower. So says the myth, it is large and tall and green. Do not eat rice for the trees will sense you."

The look of fear on Howard's face had gone and a new expression of realisation and recollection swept into its place. Howard spoke to Vince but did not look at him, "This is the forest Aruk Moon. He was once my brother."

"What? How can a jungle be your brother?"

"It all happened a long time ago…"

(Lots of mist - enter flash back)

"What is she doing Howard?" A little boy was tugging on a taller boy's sleeve and pointing at a figure dressed in black. She was on her knees in the middle of a garden, patting the soil gently.

"She is planting a tree," the taller boy relpied, "The first tree of the new forest which she is growing."

The next day the boys returned to see the garden and they were amazed at what they saw. There, where the seed had been planted was now a strong, proud oak tree.

"Howard. Is that woman a witch? Surely only a witch could grow a tree so fast."

"I don't know," said Howard, "Maybe she is, Aruk."

And at that, the younger boy, Aruk, ran off to tell the other children of the witch and of the tree.

When night time fell so there was sufficient darkness to hide them, three boys, including Aruk but not Howard, came back to the garden and the tree. On noting the woman's witchery in rather less polite terms, they destroyed the tree and burned the remains.

The witch came into the garden at the sound of their laughter. She looked at the ash with tears in her eyes and the looked up at the boys who had killed the tree.

In anger, she raised her ten, elongated fingers and pointed them at the boys. There was a flash of light. Then there was silence.

It is not known what happened to the other two but Aruk had been transformed into a seed. And from this seed the witch grew a new tree and then a new forest. However, this forest was not of beaustiful strong oaks, but of crippled blackened tree skeletons which mirrored the hate of his heart.

No-one ever dared enter that forest as they say it was haunted with his soul.

(Lots more mist - return to present time)

"…And that, Vince, is how this forest came to be," Howard turned to look at Vince, "Vince? Oi! Did you listen to any of what I just said?"

Vince moved his queen to knight 7 then lifted his eyes from the chess board, "Sorry Howard, what was that?"

"Checkmate!"

"Oh what? Wishton you cheat! I thought I was winning!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four- The tower of doom

The strange party followed the path for some large bit of time like a troop of lost gypsies. Soon it was the afternoon, then the evening and the bright, creamy moon was sitting in the sky, watching them progress, slowly towards the heart of the forest:

_I am de moon. Look at me in de sky, I fly up and above. I can see down onto de forest. Forest know me - I say don't look up at me and er see my face until I know that de er constilation be over me like being my hair. _

Presently, the dirt path became too thin and the trees too close for the donkeys. The shiney knight realised this when he was knee deep in donkey tears, which attacked his armour in a rusty frenzy. The branches that jutted out, all mangled and scratchy had touched a sensitive part of his donkey's toe and induced a session of uncontrollable crying.

"You! Zoo boy. Why do tears flow from the eye of my steed? Is its brain machine broken?"

Howard soothed his own donkey and stopped beside the knight, "It's called angular toe stress. Do you know anything about donkeys? Where did you even get these? These are rare central Nalootaiii donkeys."

"Hey, Howard. Fossil would love to get some of these naaittoppi donkeys."

"Well, fossils an idiot and he doesn't know that such donkeys don't fare well with captivity. They belong in the wild. Free to roam on Nalootaiii plains. Free to enjoy their life with their donkey companions. Spending every day, calmly contemplating the mysteries of life. The philosopher of the animal kingdom, Vince."

"We must leave our mighty horse friends at this station. Tie them to a tall bush. Come, commence walking. Wishton, carry my spork."

The journey that followed lacked the required excitement needed for me to bother writing it down but I can assure you that when they reached the heart of the forest, oh it was so magnificent yet so utterly terrifying that I couldn't possibly _not_ write it down.

In the centre of a large clearing was a gigantic, hugh, long, looked-like-it-touched-the-sky tower. It was magical, but hollow and cold. Howard and Vince were in awe: "Wow, Howard, it's massive like a black liquorice twig. Why did I wear pink, it so doesn't go with this scene!" "Wooooah there little man. What you're wearing doesn't matter: I'm the hero of this scene. It calls me. It knows I'm a sort of jazz spiderman and I, only I can save the queen! Where did you get that mars bar?"

"I dunno, it's really weird. While you were talking this huge gust of wind came up and this mars bar just blew into my hand."

The knight took Howard by the arm. "You go. Climb up the wall and into the highest door."

Howard pointed to a door not to far up, "What that one."

"No, that one leads to Tesco express," He pointed to another door that was so high up it looked all small like a raisin.

"Wha? Why me? Vince is better at climbing; he had lessons."

"Yeah, for like one day. I cut the instructors hair when he wasn't looking, gave him a mohecan - it looked really stylish - and I was kicked off the course!"

"You go, jazz spy man."

"Don't you have your easy-pack, multipurpose action case, containing three types of action necessities, refills and tweed accessories for the not-so-stylish?"

"Of course I have my easy-pack, multipurpose action case, containing three types of action necessities, refills and tweed accessories for the not-so-stylish. When do I leave my house without it?"

"Once you were pissed and you went to Leyroy's without it. You left it in the oven remember?"

"I never left it in the oven."

"Yeah you did. You said, 'In the oven, little foxy box. I make pie! Action pie!"

"That never happened, you were dreaming. I'm a member of the PBAMS - prevention of box abuse and misuse society. I wouldn't do it."

The knight had been watching this conversation with one foot mounted on a rock and his chest pushed forward. A stance to show prowess in any situation. He raised his hand as his tolerance of time wasting came to an end. "ZOO BOY! Go up the tower now."

Howard braced himself and took out some suction pads from his easy-pack, multipurpose action case, containing three types of action necessities, refills and tweed accessories for the not-so-stylish. He attached them to his hands and walked over to the wall.


End file.
